im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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