A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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