peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
