let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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