you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
how do you play pong handcuffed?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
