party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
