On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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