Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
