I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
foreskin is a definite game changer
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
