We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's blow job season.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
