Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
