If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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