So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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