Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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