The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize