The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
