dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
