I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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