He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize