i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
