my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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