I can't watch pbs sober anymore
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
