2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
