"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
