I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
