it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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