omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
