We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
