i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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