like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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