Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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