I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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