Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
