I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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