What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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