we're blogging at a bar
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
