it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
