I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
