Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
