What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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