you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
