I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
