im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
