I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
COCAINE IS GR8
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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