We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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