Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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