Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
