She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
