im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize