covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
