Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
