my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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