I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
