I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize