Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
