lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize