So drunk its hurt
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize