I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
two words: eviction party
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
