So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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