I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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