Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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