I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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