champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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