You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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