apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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