dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
