i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
