Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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