Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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