She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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