i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
