If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
