theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
