Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
